Friday, September 23, 2011

Alright then...

I.M. basically told me I could starve myself, but I have to eat SOMETHING everyday.
Fruit, crackers, whatever just SOMETHING.
I'm chill with that.

Monday, September 19, 2011

I'm hungry,


really hungry.
But I've eaten all day.
And the only thing I want is chili.
Like, I want the taste of it.
So much that I think I'd deal with the meat.
I've actually concluded that I'm scared of eating meat.
Because I've gone so long without it.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

I know I've said this before:


Tomorrow is the day.
Tomorrow I am fasting.
The whole day.
Tomorrow, I will come home and do 20 push ups (my arms are really weak).
Tomorrow I will come home and do 60-70 sit ups (which ever hurts and I can do).
Tomorrow....What else will I do right tomorrow?
Tomorrow, I will run.
Tomorrow, I will stretch.
Tomorrow, I will do loads of exercises.
And get my homework done.
Tonight, though, I'm getting sleep.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Tired food rant.

I'm going vegan.
I'm sick of these days with high calorie counts.
Mom says that she won't buy food to cater to my diet choice.
Doesn't she get it?
I'm sick of feeling sick, so I'm changing my diet.
Also, it gives me reason to say no.
"Can't have it. Vegan."
There's some sense of respect you get from being vegan.
I don't get it either.
All of my calorie counts have been high recently.
I'm done with that.
I need a reason to say no.
"You want this?"
"Nu-uh. Vegan still."
Alright, 50 jumping jacks and then bed.
I'm FINALLY tired.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Some fries. A PB&J, some toast, some cheese


That's what I've had. The PB&J only had one slice of bread(70). The toast was a slice of bread(80). The cheese was probably seventy each. Okay. Over 300 by a little.
I'm going for a walk.
Mom snapped at me.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

It didn't start today. Has to be tomorrow.


I always feel like puking after eating these days.
Mom's trying to get me into the doctor's.
Until then?
I'm gonna try to not eat.
Sounds like a good enough excuse.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Being Sick is good?


Being sick makes me feel like puking when I eat.
So, being sick=good.
Is it just me or are these posts getting shorter and shorter?

Sam Lupin That day was not my day. Maybe, hopefully, tomorrow will be. I need to quit saying "tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow" Fasting gives me a wonderful feeling. I love it. So I need to quit saying tomorrow will be the day and just START NOW. :/

Saturday, September 10, 2011

TODAY. It HAS to start today.


I'm so fat that I've put it off for DAYS.
Not today. We're dress shopping tonight.
Homecoming is soon. Two weeks from today.
Today, I have to start my fasting.
School, home, out and about, whatever the challenge, I have to be stronger than that.
My period makes me gain weight, but one day, one day, I swear, when I get my period, I won't spring to 140, I'll go to one thirty, maybe one twenty-five.
I'm so tired of eating.

Kes: Good luck to you too! ^^

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Remember how I said I was going to not eat?


Well, I did. A lot.
I have schoool tomorrow.
I'll do it tomorrow and the next day and not eat until the day after.
I'll get revenge for how she treated me even if she doesn't know it.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011



I've been awful with food.
But no more.
I'm not eating from now, September 6 at 7:28 PM until September 10 at 7 AM.
I will be exercising.
This is my revenge.

Isn't that so annoying? :/ I really, really don't like eating.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Hungry. Alll The Time.


I've noticed that I feel full after a while of not eating, but RIGHT AFTER eating, even, I feel hungry. It's so weird. I also can't tell when I'm full.
Breakfast is 140 calories. I mean yogurt with honey. No fat, though.
Compared to how I eat everything else (in a -let's-get-this-over-with fashion), this is taking me forever to eat.
Lately, I've been gaining weight. I can feel it. I was 138 in clothing, with boots on when I went to the doctor. Since then, I've been scared to weigh myself. But I'm thinking I should've fasted instead of eating the yogurt.
Maybe...I'll just start fasting after I eat the yogurt, no food for the rest of the day. I always plan fasts and then fail at them. I hate that.
Mom called me out on not eating a lot last night. I said, in the middle of a huge binge, probably, "I'm so hungry for no reason!" Her reply didn't concern my diet at all. "That's good, it's been a while since you were good and hungry." I'm hungry all the time, which I guess I hide well.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

I'm gonna try for liquids today

So far, these include a meal replacement shake (110) and Coke Zero (0). The meal replacement shake is supposed to be 200 calories if you use 8 ounces of milk, but the milk I have is 80 per cup and apparently a cup is 8 fluid ounces, so I had 80 calories of milk and then I used a forth of what you're supposed to use, so it was about 30. Unlike my mom, I don't feel totally full, but I prefer it this way. Yes, I just admitted to enjoying the feeling of hunger.
Unless it's like yesterday where my hunger pains did not register as hunger, just as pain. It was a weird sensation.
So, so far so good. Let's keep it that way.