Food sucks

but I'm eating it right now. Hoping to get my metabolism up to speed.
And to get better from this cold.
Tomorrow, I may try starting a fast.
Don't worry, if I feel sicker I'll quit and eat something other than a ten calorie vitamin.

Ate like a blob today

But it's cool because I'm not eating tomorrow...or the next day... or, well for a while. FUCK FOOD.
Sorry, I had a rough day, even though it should've been easy.
I'm just...done eating for a while.
Quote from my therapist "Remember it's important to eat THREE meals a day."
My mom says that America is the only culture that does that.
She says there are some that eat five small meals a day, some that eat one BIG meal a day and snack when they're hungry, but America's the only one with three meals a day.
Mom's a nurse.
My therapist doesn't know a thing about food.
I feel like I know a lot about food. Just because...I have to. I mean, I put it into my body on a daily basis. I should know about it. Though most people don't care. They just fill their face.
Forgetting how food tastes. Forgetting I need it.
Starting tomorrow, I'm not eating for a while. I'll drink all the water in the house and then some if I have to.

School.

Come home from it, later than I thought I would.
Brother's finishing a doughnut.
Look to see if there's any left.
None. Safe. Again.
Get the urge to eat the ancient food in my room.
Just tell myself how old it must be.
Safe. Again.
Didn't eat lunch.
Didn't have breakfast.
I'm running on fat and water.
The urge to eat is strong in this one.
But she won't give in. ^^

Over the limits

Walking and exercising enough to make up for it, though. I don't know where that puts me.
Bad at dieting, I guess.
It can't be too far over my limits. They're pretty high limits. I'll be good now though.

So far

In: 387.5

Weight: 139

Also:

Lost my straightener. :(

Been Busy, sorry

I have been walking so much this weekend that I think I burned all the food I ate off. Doubt it, though. We had Arby's. Lots of Arby's. I had motzerella sticks (about 5 for the weekend), a cherry turnover, some fries, and zero calorie green tea. It's not very much at all. I got full, though. Or that's what I said. I have yet to weigh myself.

Ewww.

Went over my limit for today, I'm sure of it.

350

in junk food.

That leaves 350 for supper.

Dad's leaving at four, so I hope I can avoid food until he leaves and then until Mom gets home. Hopeful!~

Keep messing up.

I just keep messing up. I don't know what to do right now. I have something to prove to myself, that I can do this, but I keep messing up. Today was supposed to be 150, but I have had two green teas (210 EAH), a lunchable (490), a sucker (10), and peanutbutter cups (190 times by 3). Horrible. So, week one diets changing a little. Sorry. I feel like a wuss.
Day 5: 700 (used to be a fast)
Day 6: 500 (used to be 300)
Day 7: 600

This shows I have really no courage that I can make it better than the past few days.

Also... I'm 140, fully clothed. So I'm probably actually 139 or 138, but it's still scary. No wonder the size 5 skinny jeans are TOO TIGHT.

Food...

Went over the calorie count for both days. :( But I was with family and they're like "No, you have to eat and be fat with us." I mean, really? 200 calories for a latte and then 370 for soup and a little bread? And then I just HAD to have the muffin/cookie thing. AND that's just one meal. The other was a HUGE slice of pizza, part of a bread stick and SODA.

Yesterday wasn't much better. And I'm sorry I missed the weighin. I'm probably 130, but I'm also lacking a scale.

Today, though, is what really matters. Today, I will have no more than 250, hopefully. This is really brutal.

kes: It was diet orange Crush.

Dieting!~

Today is day one. I'm actually doing pretty bad. Considering I had a little under half of a diet soda just to find out it has 25 calories in it. I was craving chocolate so I had 280 calories worth of cookie, chocolate, and peanut butter. That's all I've had today and I've been up since ten. Amazing, really. I'm putting myself at a total of 290 so far. That's enough for a cup of yogurt or fruit. Lots of fruit. I'll probably end up having half a cup of yogurt now, half a cup later. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

Diet Plan!~

So, I just texted Miss Rachael saying I would be dieting hardcore with her. Weigh ins are Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday. Every single one. Now, it's time to think up my rules for my diet that will be starting Sunday.

Sundays and Saturdays have to be higher. Mom will be watching closer.

1&3&5

Day 1: 500

Day 2: 300

Day 3: 250

Day 4: 150

Day 5: Fast

Day 6: 300

Day 7: 600

2&4

Day 1: 700

Day 2: fast

Day 3: fast

Day 4: 250

Day 5: 300

Day 6: 190

Day 7: 600

Also!

thirty minutes minimum on the Wii-fit or other exercise except on fasts.

Day three's fast may change to a 200 calorie day depending on how closely my parentals are watching.

Americaneagle: I haven't read Wasted yet, but I've been told that it's a very good book. If we aren't talking foodwise, I had a wonderful day. ^^

P.S. In a long time, I have not felt more excited. Awesome.

Today,

I had ice cream. That would be kinda fine, if it was a little and the only thing, but it was a lot and not the only thing and there was so much more. I don't wanna know what I weight right now. I don't want to look in the mirror. I don't... I wanna lose weight. I wanna be thin. I wanna be in control again!

Also, been reading Wintergirls. I love it so far!~

Soo...

ABC for the next few days? I know it's fifty days long, but I'm thinking about doing it for... a month. Thirty days. Anyone wanna join me?

This week, I'm staying under 600.

So far today:

Tea: 0

Sweetener: 0

Biscuit thing: 110

Small piece of left over: 50

That leaves about 440 for supper. Or 220 for supper, and 220 for a snack or you know, however it works out.

Why 600?

I don't really know. Maybe I just want to start out high, work my way lower.

One day, I wanna be that chick. The one who shoots for below 300. Or the one who fasts for days.

Anyway, I am actually thinking about fasting for 24 hours now. Go figure. I wanna see if I can go until the 12 without eating. I know I can't. There are weekends where my mom will be home and watchful of what I eat.

Oh! Speaking of Mom and eating, she pointed out that I had been eating all day and not "just when I (my mom) suggest it and make it." I guess that makes yesterday a bad day. Today will be better.